I Will Write.

I didn’t summarize my 2013 and I didn’t post about my vision for 2014. I didn’t write for months. I didn’t think I had time to sit and ponder existence anymore; or figure out ways to be better. I was just dealing with the junkyard of my mind, trying to figure out what went where and how to sort it all out. Since I last wrote in October 2013, (and just before that was April!) you can imagine what I did – I went to concerts, I celebrated several peoples’ birthdays, I worked, I played, I ran a few 5k races, I spent time with family, I lost a beloved pet, I went to London for 10 days, I got overwhelmed by the holidays, I froze my ass off in the polar vortex, I celebrated my 27^th birthday, I enrolled in an online calligraphy course, I contemplated grad school and technical school, I drank a shitton of coffee, I lost weight, I gained it back, I lost it again, I gained it again. I did all the normal things that I normally do, but I didn’t write. And not writing, for me, becomes toxic to my being – it spoils my brain and corrodes my sanity. I kept telling myself “Write.” “Just take a few minutes and get your thoughts out.” And then the other part of me said “Go out with your friends. Clean your house. Do anything but waste time and sit and wonder.” And then an external voice of a friend said “Write.”

So. Now. I. Write.

(Dear readers, if there are any of you left, please hold me accountable...for my own sake). Here’s to 2014 and getting back to the words on a page I so dearly need.)

Up All Night

I'm doing that thing again. You know, the one where I intend to go to sleep early so I can rise early and have a fresh, productive day, but instead find my finger pads violently crushing the keyboard so I can transpose thoughts into words.

It's late and it's been six months since I last posted here. I almost thought I was done writing about what she knew was true - I guess there are more truths to be had though. I wanted to come back with a bang - with something profound, deep, beautiful, moving, funny, entrancing. Instead, it's just me. It's just my night owl self who worked out too late to let the energy subside before bedtime. Me, the one who doesn't actually institute bedtime at all. What happens, happens.

I haven't sat down to actively reflect and write in quite some time. I've been busy on my other blog going to shows and writing about them, wearing clothes and taking pictures of them. So I've been reflecting on events and occurrences instead of the things that literally keep me up at night - love, the future, death, travel, literature, health, goals.

I've also been doing this really cool thing at night - playing geography games on my iPad. I can recognize most countries by territorial outline or flag, look at a picture of a landmark and place it on a world map...I can even say all of the states in alphabetical order while pointing to them on a map. This is what I spend my time on. And then I think about traveling to all of those places and how there is so much world, so little time. I just remind myself I'll get there one day.

That is all. Time to play a game until I fall asleep to dream about something inexplicably odd, like having a business meeting in my old Woodbury house while I fold laundry and watch TV. Or Bruce Willis hijacking my car only to total it for fun.

Five Years Time

Disclaimer: this was meant to be posted in mid-January, the 5-year mark of my departure from everything I knew.

Second disclaimer: Photos are not actually anywhere in HK, but were taken on travels during my time abroad.

The day was cold and biting, the night before bittersweet and tear-stained. I regretfully left the side of my sister and brother-in-law to pass through the cold, metal gateway to an escape from my life.

I had a difficult year behind me, the self I had known disintegrated before becoming viable again. I needed an escape: new scenery, new people, new adventures. A naive, 20-year-old with waning confidence and a nervous demeanor, I boarded an airplane with two acquaintances who would eventually grow to be my best friends. 

To get through the 14-hour flight, we started conversations and played games. David and I poured over the pages of his puzzle book, competing to find differences between two seemingly identical photos. After bouts of being entertained, bored, anxious, excited, restless, sleepy and sad, we finally touched down on the foreign land we were to call home for the next five months. Hello, Hong Kong.

David, Jeff and I made the mistake of not learning the name of our university in Chinese. We scrambled for any address, logo, document we could find that would bear any sort of clue to where we needed to be. Weary and drained, we finally were able to communicate our needs and were promptly packed into the boxy red taxi en route to Hong Kong University of Science and Technology.

Macau

I had been in the city before, but had little memory of just how massive and daunting it was. The millions of people sardined into high-rises were a spectacle; the rolling hills, surrounding water and striking cityscape all juxtaposed to form one, beautiful, chaotic reality.

4am is no time to get lost in translation, much less check into your residence with hefty eyelids. I managed to forget the sequence of communications, but in the end, we barrelled up to the 2nd and 4th floors to our respective rooms. I dropped off my suitcase, then descended to see Jeff and David again. We woke Jeff's roommate, Jake, and he stayed coherent enough to make introductions and chat. I love to look back on the first time I met someone - the impressions, reservations, excitement all eventually trade themselves in for familiarity, memories, inside jokes and a deep connection. 

Angkor, Cambodia

After tiring ourselves out once again, our sleep-deprived bodies stumbled to bed. Not expecting the historical cold front in a tropical land, I had little with which to sleep. I snuggled with my travel pillow, a towel and a hoodie the first lonely night and eagerly awaited a feeling of rest and a looming trip to Ikea with the boys.

Fast-forward to five years later, and I'm sitting in my bed in Minnesota, longingly remembering all of the shopping trips, dim sum and sushi dates, ditching class, practicing yoga in Times Square, bottle service, Engrish, Ebeneezer's, and trips to Shenzhen, Macau, Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia, Taiwan, Xi'An and Beijing. What has stuck with me the most is the confidence I gained from living on my own in a foreign country and the amazing, driven, intricate people I have met.

Studying abroad was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I strongly encourage it for anyone who has the opportunity. If I could go back, I'd do it again and again. 

Sapa, Vietnam

Here's to you: Jeff, David, Rahul, Jake, Sebastian, Michael, Arne, Kevin, Jeremy, Eva, Jocelyn, Davina, Kristen, Frances, Juliet, Alex, Dan, Jennifer, Laura, Lisa and the whole lot. 

I miss you and am so glad to have met you!

30 Before 30

I turn 26 today; a step closer to 30, to 40, to 50, to whichever age I reach. I often feel like my foot is smashing the accelerator pedal and there is no letting up. I am flying past exits that I want to explore in anticipation of a greater destination. 

Despite my fear of growing older, I have decided to embrace each birthday and celebrate it. I hear adults say that birthdays don't matter after a certain age, that they're nothing special. But they are. Birthdays indicate you have lived another year. You have escaped every possible threat to your life, you have persevered for 365 more days, you have made it to today.

I want to create a meaningful life full of creativity, joy, excitement, adventure, beauty, inspiration and achievement. I have daily goals and a life bucket list, but not so much of the in-between. And so, the in-between. 

1. Run the Twin Cities 10-mile race

2. Practice yoga regularly

3. Get (and use) cross-country skis

4. Try stand up paddleboarding

5. Attempt a new exercise class

6. Finish my study abroad scrapbooks

7. Catch up on my concert scrapbook

8. Complete a SmashBook for a full year

9. Paint a large canvas

10. Learn how to sew

11. Take a photography class or seriously learn on my own

12. Redesign my blog

13. Guest blog for someone

14. Meet other bloggers in person

15. Attend NY Fashion Week

16. Get a keyboard or piano and play it again

17. Become proficient in Vietnamese

18. Hone my ability to ice skate backwards

19. Practice writing in different styles (fiction, poetry, etc).

20. Cook a new recipe once a month

21. Travel to Ireland, Scotland and England

22. Cross off 10 of the 30 stadiums of my MLB Stadium Tour (6 down)

23. Visit 25 of the 50 states (21 down)

24. Experience Christmas in New York
25. Act like a tourist in Minneapolis

Image via

26. Overhaul my closet and sell/donate items

27. Maintain a nearly-empty vehicle (get rid of the junk in the trunk)

28. Banish the physical clutter that carries over to mental clutter

29. Sort through inboxes so they are manageable

30. Print photos and backup digital versions

I'll do my best to post my progress. What would be on your list of mid-range goals? 

Twenty-Twelve

It's that time of year again to look back on what has been, cherish those memories, and get excited for what is to come! This time I’ve broken down my 2012 review in terms of concerts I attended, travels I set out on, moments I loved, and virtual moments that made me giddy. You know I spend a good chunk of my life on the Internet (I loooove the Internet!) and so the best virtual moments weren’t difficult for me to recount. And so, from the beginning:

Shows: The Envy Corps

Travels: 2-night scrapbooking staycation extravaganza with my sisters and Ashley

Best Moment: Turning the big 2-5 and celebrating in the best way: spa, shopping, movie of a favorite book, family, friends, Mexican food, drinks, dressing up.

Virtual Moment: The most amazing birthday gift: a video of family, friends, and famous people reciting my tweets, status updates and lines from my blogs! I just got so excited to watch this again on my 26^th!

Shows: Lion King [The Musical] with my three lovely sisters // Bombay Bicycle Club

Travels: None

Best Moment: Acting like a total kid by playing trampoline dodgeball and suffering for several days after.

Virtual Moment: Social media set a-flutter by news of Indeed opening this year.

Shows: Of Monsters and Men

Travels: None

Best Moment: Spending St. Patrick’s Day with a lot of great friends

Virtual Moment: The #StyleMe Challenge was born, and with that, new friendships and a whole new slew of Instagramming

Shows: Fun. // Cults // Florence + The Machine

Travels: None

Best Moment: Two extremely fun weddings.

Virtual Moment: I guess April was boring!

Shows: Grouplove // M. Ward

Travels: Seattle, Washington and Portland, Oregon with Zebulon

Best Moment: Playing cribbage and eating nachos at Tug Boat Brewing with Zeb

Virtual Moment: Discovering my photo and review on Hilary Rushford’s #StyleMe page

Concerts: The Shins // Avett Brothers

Travels: Denver, Colorado (with stops at Red Rocks and Golden) with Zebulon

Best Moment: Finishing my first half-marathon // Dancing to Avett Brothers on the most beautiful night at Red Rocks Amphitheater

Virtual Moment: This blog turned a ripe one year old.

Concerts: Basilica Block Party (Imagine Dragons, Train, Cake, The Head and the Heart) // Beirut

Travels: Atlantic, Iowa with the family for Grandma’s 90^th birthday party.

Best Moment: Nancy’s birthday sheNANigans at Indeed

Virtual Moment: Researching what freedom means for Independence Day (seriously)

Shows: Coldplay

Travels: Dallas, Texas with Zebulon, Nancy and Nathan

Best Moment: Leaving work early to celebrate the opening of Indeed Brewing Company and meeting Mr. Mayor! ;)

Virtual Moment: Treble and Lace turned 1!

Shows: Awolnation & Imagine Dragons / The Head and the Heart & Blitzen Trapper

Travels: None.

Best Moment: Fashion’s Night Out, Blogger Meet-Up, Fashion Week with my new bloggy friends.

Virtual Moment: Tweeting back and forth with Blitzen Trapper // The Royal Concept’s management contacting me about my blog post

Shows: Wolf Gang & The Royal Concept // Miike Snow // Passion Pit & Youngblood Hawke

Travels: Rome, Florence and Cinque Terre, Italy with Zeb.

Best Moment: Grilling out and drinking wine with random Italians in Vernazza, Cinque Terre and touring wineries in Tuscany.

Virtual Moment: Winning tickets via email to see Wolf Gang at Varsity Theater

Shows: Matt and Kim & Oberhofer

Travels: Lutsen for Thanksgiving Weekend with Zeb and his family.

Best Moment: Exercising my right to vote and learning that Minnesota had defeated two proposed amendments to its state constitution.

Virtual Moment: Following election coverage

Shows: Sufjan Stevens // Of Monsters and Men

Travels: None.

Best Moment: Walking to get a Christmas tree in a blizzard and spending the rest of the day snowed in.

Virtual Moment: Sharing the holiday season with Instragram friends via #ShareAdvent

Looking back on the year helps me to put it into perspective and capture a sense of closure. As a girl highly-nostalgic for everything, it helps me feel accomplished and able to let the past be the past. It's time for now. Won't you join me?