And now, it's grown to the point where I need some sort of outlet, what this blog was meant to be in the first place. I've often thought that I don't want to be a collector of disheartening memories of the lower points of my life. I did enough of that in the past. I have the heart-wrenching hand-written journals to prove it. But this is real life, my friends, and while my blogs are meant to remember the good and cultivate happiness, sometimes I just can't feel content 100% of the time.
Up until 2009, I was quite the pessimist. I drained myself and the people around me because I was so insecure, unsteady, erratic. Then, something changed. Maybe it was the natural order of growing up. Maybe it was talking to someone that helped. Maybe it was studying abroad, changing lifestyles and the people around me. Whatever it was, I began to feel happy. More specifically, the past year has been an overwhelming abundance of happiness. Even when situations should have wore me down, I faced them with more confidence and level-headed thinking than ever before.
This past month, I feel like I lost that magic cloak of content. Every area of my life has me feeling that I'm engaging in a losing battle; my to-do list is never ending and my stress level increasing. There's a nail in my tire and all of the air and energy is slowly seeping and escaping my hold. It could be that I'm in a slump at work. It could be more things demanding my time and attention. Lack of sleep. Lack of motivation to exercise regularly. Poor eating habits. Disinterest in several things, even writing at times. My life is messy, cluttered, frantic, overbooked; it's a gnarled sweater that is slowly unraveling from both here and there.
So what will I do after I am done venting to the Internet? I will learn how to knit it all back together, one string at a time.