Slump

I've been a bit absent from this blog lately; not because I don't have thoughts swarming my mind on an hourly basis, but because I haven't the energy to transcribe these whirring fragments, stories, and ideas into tangible structures.

And now, it's grown to the point where I need some sort of outlet, what this blog was meant to be in the first place. I've often thought that I don't want to be a collector of disheartening memories of the lower points of my life. I did enough of that in the past. I have the heart-wrenching hand-written journals to prove it. But this is real life, my friends, and while my blogs are meant to remember the good and cultivate happiness, sometimes I just can't feel content 100% of the time.

Up until 2009, I was quite the pessimist. I drained myself and the people around me because I was so insecure, unsteady, erratic. Then, something changed. Maybe it was the natural order of growing up. Maybe it was talking to someone that helped. Maybe it was studying abroad, changing lifestyles and the people around me. Whatever it was, I began to feel happy. More specifically, the past year has been an overwhelming abundance of happiness. Even when situations should have wore me down, I faced them with more confidence and level-headed thinking than ever before.

This past month, I feel like I lost that magic cloak of content. Every area of my life has me feeling that I'm engaging in a losing battle; my to-do list is never ending and my stress level increasing. There's a nail in my tire and all of the air and energy is slowly seeping and escaping my hold. It could be that I'm in a slump at work. It could be more things demanding my time and attention. Lack of sleep. Lack of motivation to exercise regularly. Poor eating habits. Disinterest in several things, even writing at times. My life is messy, cluttered, frantic, overbooked; it's a gnarled sweater that is slowly unraveling from  both here and there. 

So what will I do after I am done venting to the Internet? I will learn how to knit it all back together, one string at a time.

She knows she can run a half marathon

You know the feeling of satisfaction you get when you cross an item off of a list? That was me on Sunday, x 100. A few years ago I set the goal to run a half marathon by the time I turned 30, and this past weekend, I accomplished that goal 4.5 years ahead of schedule.

Three months of training finally paid off. I’ll admit, I wasn’t strict to my training plan and missed a lot of runs. But I also completed a lot of them. I have been running since I was in track & field in junior high, but never to this extent. The training program encouraged me to run 3-5 times per week, varying in distance and pace. While I ignored the suggestions for pace, I ran as fast as I could each day which sometimes meant a 9-minute mile and other times meant closer to 12. I learned that I could run different distances, that I wasn’t a failure if I couldn’t go faster than 10 minutes per mile and that some days were good and some weren’t and that was okay.

As the weekend approached, I realized this was all becoming real. With a Saturday night carbed-out meal and an early bed time, I felt the jitters for the next day. Then Sunday came, and I felt oddly more calm. I started out toward the back of the pack and felt at ease as I crossed the start line, listening to The Naked and Famous. The first mile was the easiest mile ever, I couldn’t believe it passed so fast.

Then after mile 3, the faster-paced runners were looping around so I got to pass my boyfran Zebulon, and friends Leigh, David and Micah as I ran to the turnaround. Miles 3-6 really felt like nothing. I couldn’t believe this because a 10k used to seem unattainable to me and yet here I was, completing a 10k without feeling any boredom or pain. And then, there was a slight incline and the knowledge that I would soon be seeing my family and friends and the whole thing got a little harder. And then I heard the tambourine and the shouts of my name and I couldn’t have been happier. 

A mile later I saw my sister, her husband and my two nephews and that gave me the push I needed to get to the second turnaround. I had my name taped to my shirt both on the front and the back for the purpose of getting more encouragement from strangers. You would not believe how encouraging strangers and other runners are! I found a lot more bounce in my step once people were talking to me, cheering for me, urging me to continue.

Feeling great as I approached mile 12, I stumbled on my foot and rolled my ankle. OUCH. And then I hit “the wall.” I wanted so, SO bad to walk and just get this the H over with. And I slowed my pace and just as I was about to switch from a jog to a walk and let my body give in, my mind took over and said, “There is no way you are walking at this point. Not after you worked this hard. You get yourself in gear.” And so I did. And the last mile was probably the toughest. But then I saw my cheerleaders once again as I approached the end and that jolted me into a full-on sprint. I even heard spectators comment about how fast I was finishing, and that felt good. And then I drank some water. And then I wanted to puke and die. So that was how my half-marathon went.

To recap:

Training is good. Hal Higdon knows what’s up.

If you set a goal and you work towards it, by golly, you can do it!

Pace yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others. Do it for you.

Encouragement is highly encouraged.

If you hit a wall, let your brain take over and propel you forward. One foot in front of the other.

Drink water. Eat food. Don’t throw up.

Musings on the future:

Will I run a full marathon ever? No. I do not wish to.

Will I run a half-marathon again? Maybe. But not for a while.

Should you run a half-marathon? If you would like to.

Will I run a 10-mile, 8-mile, 10k, 8k or 5k? Yes.

Do I feel like a million bucks even though I’m sore as a mother effer? Yes.

Is it weird that I’m now picturing a million male deer? Yes.

Am I an oddity? You bet.

The annotated version:

 

Thanks for reading! I know this was a long one! TWSS.

Letter to my 30-year-old self

I've always loved the idea of writing letters to my future self to see how things were and if they've changed. Chances are, they have.

With three 30th birthday celebrations this month, I thought "What will I be like when I'm 30?" Who will be in my life and where will I be professionally, socially, life-ally, etc.?

So here, 30-year old self, a letter:

Dearest Jennifer,

I hope you're reading this on your blog "She Knows This Much is True" that you started in 2011. If you're not, you're a super-genius because this is the only place you're putting this. So you should keep blogging because otherwise the Google Gods will probably take your site away and then you'll never read this.

Anyways, I hope you're married by now, to that boy Zebulon and that you've started a band called Jenulon or Zebbifer. Just kidding on the second part. I hope you're thinking about having kids if you don't have any already. And I hope you dress them up real cute like those J.Crew ads you always admire a little too much. Seriously, stop ripping out pictures of that little Asian girl in Crewcuts and giving them to your sisters as inspiration.

I hope everyone you love is still around. This means your family, your friends, your puppies. Maybe some of the wuppies will be gone, but if they aren't, you are one lucky bizzo! I hope you're still saying bizzo. And I hope you're still stealthily taking photos of bizzos in public who shouldn't wear see-through clothes to a baseball game.

I hope you've changed positions in work and are working hard with your sisters to make your dad's company even better than it already is. I hope you feel happy in what you do daily and that you don't have carpal tunnel from all of those crazy data entry stints. Maybe you've got JB Data Collection down to an art form. I hope so! Right now it's still just a dream. I hope ISO audits are the breeziest and you don't tear your hair out over them. 

Are you still blogging over at T & L? I hope so. I hope you've met friends there and are happy with it and inspired by it. Remember, you wanted to start it to express yourself, but also to meet people who shared your interests. Have you met any of them? Or do you just tweet with them? Are you still being run by a computer? 

Did you ever run that 1/2 Marathon? Did you run more of them? Anything crazier? Do you feel healthy and look healthy and feel good about how you look? I sure hope you do. You always struggled with that. I think you're becoming a better you already though.

I have a feeling you are still the same way when it comes to packing your schedule with every possible thing you can. Do you still do nerdy things like craft and send letters? I hope so. If not, get on that, girrrl.

Have you had a reunion with your HK buddies yet? Have you gone back to Asia? You should go back to Asia, yo roots. Did you make it to Ireland or England? Also do that. Have you worked on your fake English accent anymore? Hope so, it needs a little work.

And last, Jennifer, I hope this leaves you feeling happy and accomplished and super schmawesome. I also think it's time you write to your 35 or 40-year old self. KTHXBYE. (Do you still say that? KTHXBYE?) Yahahhaa. (Or how about that?)

xx
Yo self

An update

It's only February, so why oh why is it already the season finale of Parenthood?! This show is easily my favorite. Mae Whitman, Lauren Graham, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen, are you kiddding meeeeeeeee. They seriously know how to make me cry, like, a lot.

I have this problem where I get obsessed with everything. As in tonight I tweeted @some of those aforementioned people, IMDB'ed the crap out of them, and even watched a Leave it to Beaver clip with Erika Christensen as a 13-year old. I. have. problems. And now I keep replaying scenes from the show in my head. But tomorrow I will have no recollection of these events. The good news is that I discovered Rosa Salazar's blog and it's hilarious. I often write little letters out loud like she does, so now I have my kindred spirit from Parenthood.

In other news, my body has taken ill. I haven't been sick in a while and now I am. Boooooo. So what did I do to fix it? Well, I left work on time, bought myself some soup and medicine and watched tv all night. Panera sells their soup at the grocery store and although it is laden with sodium, it was still tasty.

And that's about as interesting as I get tonight. So there, an update.

The Heart of the Matter

Happy February! I love the beginning of every month and every year because it feels so fresh. This month is many things: Black History Month, Heart Health Month, the month of Valentine's and mushy gushy things, and this year, it's a leap year! 29 days to recognize some really great things. 

I've known a handful of people who have had heart attacks. Some have thankfully survived them, and some have not. My dad's best friend, who in turn, was one of my favorite people in the world, passed away in 1996 due to complications from a heart attack. It was the first funeral I remember and one of the saddest, if you could even put them on a scale. And more recently, as in within the past couple of weeks, someone close to me had a heart attack and will undergo surgery next week. 

So, as people who are young and able to change the course of their future pretty easily, I think it's time to change. (Yes we can!) I received a nifty calendar from SparkPeople (thanks to Ash for that website recommendation) of 29 days to improving your heart health. I've always known cardio exercise was important and I've gotten my fill through running. But now, I'm placing a greater emphasis on it. No longer do I run only to lose weight, but to strengthen my heart. After all, "The heart is a muscle. So treat it like one." 

With this, I vow to make some changes in my life: 
1. Cook meals on the stove, not the microwave. I tend to eat Lean Cuisines because they are fast and easy, but chock-full of sodium and micro-waves. 
2. Decrease my intake of red meat, eggs, fried foods and foods with high cholesterol. Be mindful of cholesterol in general. 
3. Exercise. I'm running for a plethora of reasons and now I have more motivation to get to the trail, track or treadmill. 
4. Sleep. I am in dire need of a bedtime. 
5. Be mindful of actions. Mostly because I couldn't end the list at four. Oh I know, decrease the alcohol intake. There. 

A heart attack is just that. An attack. An ambush. No one expects that they will have one; it most certainly comes as a surprise. And what do you do when you know you may eventually be under attack? You prepare. You draw your armor out. You round up your defenses and fight your hardest. 

So be healthy for your heart, yourself, your family and your friends. They all want you alive and well for as long as humanly possible. We're given one body that's meant to last decades - take care of it. And again, happy February. <3

Resolve to do something better.

Happy 2012! The New Year seems to always go hand-in-hand with resolutions and new beginnings. I like Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project idea of always having resolutions. Ever since I read her book for book club last summer, I have had a Resolutions Chart. This chart is something I kept up every day at first, then my dedication waned and waxed and waned. It's hard to keep resolutions every day, but it's sure worth a try.

I had daily, weekly, monthly, and annual resolutions. The daily ones included drinking 8 glasses of water a day and taking my contacts out by 10pm. The weekly and monthly resolutions included hanging out with each group of people I like to hang out with (yes, I had a spreadsheet for hanging out with friends), exercising five times per week, spending time with JUST the boyfran and not in a big group, reading a book every month, scrapbooking, etc.

This year will be more of the same, with a few minor adjustments. My broad resolutions go a little something like this:

Easier said than done. I will be one of those people who is always drinking water.

You know, this is the toughest battle for me. There's just so much to do in awake life. But no sleep makes for a very tired and probably less productive awake life.

Hahahaha. No, but really.

I had a goal of running 300 miles this year but made it just short of 200. This year I will stick to my goals and be healthy for the sake of being healthy. Oh, and my stinky sister convinced me to sign up for the Minneapolis Half Marathon in June 2012, so there's that.

I want to put intention in my thoughts, words, and actions. 

There is always, always room for improvement and growth and education. I am continuously learning at work, in my social groups, and even on this little blog. It's amazing what having a passion for something can do to how much you know about it.

My life is so full of things and thoughts and tasks and events. I need to break it down and breathe.

In 2011, I achieved my goal of donating money or time every month. This year I plan to do more of the same, with a little more focus on the volunteering portion of it.

Driving up North makes me wonder why I don't do more exploring in my own state. I'm always dreaming of globe trotting, but I want to state trot as well! 

This has been surprisingly easy for me in 2011. If you know my past, you know that this was not always the case. For some reason, I rarely find time to be discontent. Maybe that reason is you. Maybe that reason is me. Maybe that reason is my quest for happiness.

All in all, this is what I want to do: Be great every day. 

Happy New Year everyone, make it a good one!

Slothopatomus

My name is Jennifer, and I have been a slothopotamus. Seriously, if a sloth and a hippo had a child, that would be me. It's sort of mean, but I need a little bit of encouragement to get myself the H to the gym.

So, in an effort to get off the couch (actually, the computer chair), I am going to do something new with my work out plan by scheduling classes and gym times and runs on my calendar, as if they were dinner dates with friends or appointments I couldn't miss. Last week I looked up yoga classes ahead of time (at all the places I have vouchers/groupons/existing memberships), found times that worked, and "penciled" them in. 

It at least worked for last Sunday; I had scheduled a yoga class at Core Power and by golly, I went! (For the first time in three months...) But even on Tuesday, I am still le sore. Last night I had thirty-thousand-four-hundred-and-nine cavities filled, so to make the numbness wear off faster, I walked on the treadmill for over an hour. It helps when Modern Family is in front of me too.

Today I'm heading back to the gym. I need to tell you guys so I can feel at least a little bit accountable to keep going. No more slothopotamus! I have found a hefty (haha) correlation between weight gain and unhappiness. (And yes, in this case, it's correlation AND causation). I refuse to gain weight during the holiday season.  Who is with me? 

Like Pulling Teeth

I made a horrible, no good, very bad mistake. I neglected going to the dentist for a professional cleaning for more than a year. Yesterday, I paid for it.

After an hour of vandalizing my teeth, my dentist found three small cavities. And this is where I blame my genes and my failure to go to the dentist. I brush at least twice, floss, and use mouthwash daily. Even when I'm camping. Even in other circumstances where it would be easy to skip. And yet, I have cavities. Kind of injust considering what other people consume and how they don't actually take care of their teeth!

But then I got to thinking...instead of blaming my genes, myself, my whatever, I would take it as an opportunity for betterment. This means:

1. Rinse after coffee.

2. Brush after lunch.

3. Visit the dreadful dentist twice a year.

I actually don't think I need to cut back on consumption of anything (for my teeth's sake) (I could always eat fewer french fries or whatever), but instead, up the ante on the cleaning. So that is what I'll do. I'm fortunate to be able to go to the dentist, when some people can't afford it and can't get there. So I'm done crying over the fact that I have cavities. Instead, I'm rejoicing over the fact that I will have a cleaner mouf. (On a side note: it was pretty cool that the dentist used her super special dentist camera to take a picture of my cavities and show them to me on a monitor. Technology!)

Are there any daily routines you could improve?

You can have your salad, and eat it too.

Despite what I want to think, cake sounds better. But better for you? Negative. I found out this past weekend that you can go on vacation and still be healthy. It sounds like an oxymoron, but I feel great having eaten good foods while I was tempted by others.

I met my lovely long-distance friend in Chicago this past weekend and saw how healthy and fabulous she looked. This inspired me to also be healthy and fabulous. Our first mission together was getting lunch. After walking around downtown Chicago for a while, we found a place using Yelp that led us to Water Tower Place. The café ended up not being inside the mall, but we discovered a gem anyway. On the M floor of Water Tower Place, there is a “food court.” This food court is a little better than most because there are a lot of healthy options available. We decided on a salad bar that was packed with good stuff. For lunch I had vegetables, a bit of quinoa, a bit of bulgur and some zero-everything dressing. It was delicious!

For dinner, we had sashimi and some sushi rolls and I enjoyed a seaweed salad. Although the rice in the sushi wasn’t what I would call healthy, the meal was still fresher than if I had opted for pizza or pasta.

The next day, we had Mexican food for lunch. I’ll admit I indulged in some chips and guacamole, but I ditched some of the tortillas that came with my tacos and watched my portions. Then, for dinner, we both had salads. Her dressing was fat-free vinaigrette and mine was not so healthy, but on the side, so I ate very little of it and ignored the sad little croutons.

Finally, for breakfast on Sunday, we headed to one of my favorite breakfast/brunch joints, Yolk, which serves the best food and in a great atmosphere. I’ve been to two locations, and they’re both always hopping with long lines but short waits. We both had egg white omelettes with spinach, feta, and tomatoes and then I had roasted potatoes and wheat toast (dry). It was only in January, on my last trip to Chicago, that I realized you could order toast “dry.” 

Next to the million miles of walking and the two hours of biking we did, the meal choices made me feel good about being healthy. And the most astonishing part of it all was there was absolutely ZERO snacking. What?! The only “snacks” I had were Perrier and Wrigley gum.

But this isn’t just about being healthy on vacation for the purpose of looking good. It’s about health in general. It’s not just about losing a pant size, but about having a healthy heart. And about preventing disease. I want to grow old, and if that’s going to happen, then I must be mindful of what foods and drinks I consume.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt to feel good about the way you look.