"It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful life lies in between." - Diane Ackerman
Sometimes, before I go to bed, I spill over with emotion and thought.I think of what I saw today, how the trees were mostly brown, when just days ago, they were vibrant and full.
I think of my coworker whose husband recently passed away, and how she chokes up at every mention of his name.
I think of how little I know about people I know so well.
I think of how little time there is, even if there are decades of life had and to be had.
I think of how absurd it is that we must vote on whether or not we should constitutionally ban gay marriage.
I think of how random and how calculated various happenings are.
I think of each step that had to fall into perfect place for you to be reading this, for you to even know me.
I feel sorrow for our future fates.
I feel joy for our future fates.
I worry about dying.
I worry about not living.
I wonder how the world will continue to spin when I lose someone I love.
I wonder how one can do so much and still feel that there's not enough time.
There's not enough time.
There's not enough time.
"Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it." - Rabbi Harold Kushner
Now you know what I think about before I fall asleep each night. This, and what to wear.
My goodness, Jennifer. This is so honest and deeply beautiful...
ReplyDeletePure poetry. I am often taken with how entirely fragile we are as human beings, at any point a mere instant away from death; and yet, in those moments of realization, so deeply and poignantly alive. It's a wonder we can ever get to sleep, but clear how much we need the rest when these are the questions that weigh on us each day.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds of this quote I retweeted the other week: "It's stunning that we're all here together, alive, considering how long it was before we existed and how long we'll be dead. And so: hello!"
Also, I pick out what to wear before I go to sleep. ;-)
I do love this post, Jennifer. I get lost in thoughts like these as well. Beautiful articulation.
ReplyDelete