Everything is fleeting

"It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful life lies in between." - Diane Ackerman

Sometimes, before I go to bed, I spill over with emotion and thought. 

I think of what I saw today, how the trees were mostly brown, when just days ago, they were vibrant and full.
I think of my coworker whose husband recently passed away, and how she chokes up at every mention of his name.
I think of how little I know about people I know so well.
I think of how little time there is, even if there are decades of life had and to be had.
I think of how absurd it is that we must vote on whether or not we should constitutionally ban gay marriage.
I think of how random and how calculated various happenings are.
I think of each step that had to fall into perfect place for you to be reading this, for you to even know me.
I feel sorrow for our future fates.
I feel joy for our future fates.
I worry about dying.
I worry about not living.
I wonder how the world will continue to spin when I lose someone I love.
I wonder how one can do so much and still feel that there's not enough time.
There's not enough time.
There's not enough time.

"Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it." - Rabbi Harold Kushner

Now you know what I think about before I fall asleep each night. This, and what to wear.

Story People: Kindred Spirits

I have long been a fan of Brian Andreas' creations for Story People. Accompanied by odd drawings and sculptures, he puts life stories and emotions into little narratives. This is one of my favorites:

I really believe that the "right" person for you is one who is equally strange or who can tolerate your strangeness. (Thanks Z).

Image via

Letter to my 30-year-old self

I've always loved the idea of writing letters to my future self to see how things were and if they've changed. Chances are, they have.

With three 30th birthday celebrations this month, I thought "What will I be like when I'm 30?" Who will be in my life and where will I be professionally, socially, life-ally, etc.?

So here, 30-year old self, a letter:

Dearest Jennifer,

I hope you're reading this on your blog "She Knows This Much is True" that you started in 2011. If you're not, you're a super-genius because this is the only place you're putting this. So you should keep blogging because otherwise the Google Gods will probably take your site away and then you'll never read this.

Anyways, I hope you're married by now, to that boy Zebulon and that you've started a band called Jenulon or Zebbifer. Just kidding on the second part. I hope you're thinking about having kids if you don't have any already. And I hope you dress them up real cute like those J.Crew ads you always admire a little too much. Seriously, stop ripping out pictures of that little Asian girl in Crewcuts and giving them to your sisters as inspiration.

I hope everyone you love is still around. This means your family, your friends, your puppies. Maybe some of the wuppies will be gone, but if they aren't, you are one lucky bizzo! I hope you're still saying bizzo. And I hope you're still stealthily taking photos of bizzos in public who shouldn't wear see-through clothes to a baseball game.

I hope you've changed positions in work and are working hard with your sisters to make your dad's company even better than it already is. I hope you feel happy in what you do daily and that you don't have carpal tunnel from all of those crazy data entry stints. Maybe you've got JB Data Collection down to an art form. I hope so! Right now it's still just a dream. I hope ISO audits are the breeziest and you don't tear your hair out over them. 

Are you still blogging over at T & L? I hope so. I hope you've met friends there and are happy with it and inspired by it. Remember, you wanted to start it to express yourself, but also to meet people who shared your interests. Have you met any of them? Or do you just tweet with them? Are you still being run by a computer? 

Did you ever run that 1/2 Marathon? Did you run more of them? Anything crazier? Do you feel healthy and look healthy and feel good about how you look? I sure hope you do. You always struggled with that. I think you're becoming a better you already though.

I have a feeling you are still the same way when it comes to packing your schedule with every possible thing you can. Do you still do nerdy things like craft and send letters? I hope so. If not, get on that, girrrl.

Have you had a reunion with your HK buddies yet? Have you gone back to Asia? You should go back to Asia, yo roots. Did you make it to Ireland or England? Also do that. Have you worked on your fake English accent anymore? Hope so, it needs a little work.

And last, Jennifer, I hope this leaves you feeling happy and accomplished and super schmawesome. I also think it's time you write to your 35 or 40-year old self. KTHXBYE. (Do you still say that? KTHXBYE?) Yahahhaa. (Or how about that?)

xx
Yo self

Brotip #1467

I got the tip to this website from Davina and am sort of addicted to them. The sayings are sometimes funny, sometimes serious, and almost always applicable to life. 


Two things come to mind when I read this. One is the impending work I have to do as a result of an audit we just had at work. Sucks, but it will only make us better. We found what doesn't work.


The second is a friend's relationship. It's not a failure. It's success at finding what doesn't work. You live and you learn. (Then you egg his house).

Boyfran Birthday!

Today is a very special day - the day my boyfran! was born. I am very lucky to have this guy in my life, so I thought I'd write a post to tell you why.

Why he's cool in general:

1. He cares a lot for his family. He makes it a point to spend time with them and go on trips with them, even his extended family.

2. He cares a lot for his friends and is always there, especially in times of need.

3. He cares a lot for strangers. Just kidding. But he can become friends with almost anyone within five minutes of meeting them. 

4. He's rugged and manly. He does physical things all day, plays basketball, kayaks, camps, hunts, catches fish with his teeth...okay, maybe some of that is untrue. Heeeheee. 

5. He's an "old soul."

6. Despite the love for brew and "za," he cares about his health.

7. He ran a marathon because he wanted to and had the discipline for it; and then he decided not to run one again because he didn't enjoy it that much and it took a toll on his body. I like that he recognizes what he likes and doesn't like and does what he wants to do.

8. He's really friggen cool, but he doesn't act like he knows he's really friggen cool.

9. He's silly.

10. He's extremely fun to be around.

Why he's cool with me:

1. The boyfran is chivalrous. Even after three years, he still opens my doors, holds heavy things, walks me to my car, and puts my jacket on for me. I like to think of myself as pretty independent, but even I can't turn these gestures down.

2. He knows how to change it up and takes me on dates to see funny comedians, will stay in for a game night, go to a musical, a sporting event, a day trip, a shopping trip, anything!

3. He gives thoughtful and creative presents. (Ice skates, running kit, handmade cribbage board...)

4. He has an impeccable taste in music and is the best concert buddy even though our heights make it odd to position ourselves in a room.

5. He doesn't mind that I extended this list to 5 to meet the needs of my OCD.


And he makes things like this for me:

And best of all: he loves me! :P There are about 80 billion other things, but we'll save those for another day. So boyfran, today is your day. I love you (and so do all of my family and friends, which kind of makes things awkward).

Also:

Happy birthday!

Things fall apart...

Everywhere I turn, it feels like a relationship is crumbling into pieces. I've recently heard of a marriage ending after 19 years, another one after five, another one before it begins. (Not to mention the various other relationships that are seemingly in shambles…)

It’s incredibly sad to me when things don’t go the way you plan them to, mostly because I’m a planner and “this is how it was supposed to be.” When couples part ways, it’s not just that they are breaking up from a single person, but everything they are attached to: families, mutual friends, and in some cases pets and homes and even businesses. It’s obviously not something taken lightly; they’ve tried and they’ve tried and exhausted all of their supplies and are ready to close that chapter and look to a brighter future.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. It’s pretty difficult to understand just what that reason is right away, but it comes. I know of a couple who are so good together and marriage is on their near-horizon. The woman in the relationship was once engaged, and looking back, she is glad that it was called off. If her engagement didn’t “crumble,” then she would probably not be in the great relationship she is part of now (and I would not have met her). More personally, I’ve been involved in more relationships than I care to admit, and I am almost thankful that each one of them ended. At the time, I thought the world was over and there was no reason to go on. Seriously...they marked some of my lower points in life. I was going to miss their families and everything we did together. And I did. I missed them a lot. Occasionally a thought of them comes to mind, but it is fleeting. In hindsight, these were just small pieces of my past that I needed to have in order to create the bigger picture.

Mason Jennings captures it perfectly: "The past is beautiful, like the darkness between the fireflies."

I hope each and every one of these people find their way to the fireflies. I know they will.

Although it seems like these heartbreaks are around each and every corner, they are in fact, few and far between. Many people I know are happily married. One of my best friends just got married and is currently still on her honeymoon. Another is having her engagement party this weekend.

Indeed, things do fall apart. So better things can fall together.