Everything is fleeting

"It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful life lies in between." - Diane Ackerman

Sometimes, before I go to bed, I spill over with emotion and thought. 

I think of what I saw today, how the trees were mostly brown, when just days ago, they were vibrant and full.
I think of my coworker whose husband recently passed away, and how she chokes up at every mention of his name.
I think of how little I know about people I know so well.
I think of how little time there is, even if there are decades of life had and to be had.
I think of how absurd it is that we must vote on whether or not we should constitutionally ban gay marriage.
I think of how random and how calculated various happenings are.
I think of each step that had to fall into perfect place for you to be reading this, for you to even know me.
I feel sorrow for our future fates.
I feel joy for our future fates.
I worry about dying.
I worry about not living.
I wonder how the world will continue to spin when I lose someone I love.
I wonder how one can do so much and still feel that there's not enough time.
There's not enough time.
There's not enough time.

"Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it." - Rabbi Harold Kushner

Now you know what I think about before I fall asleep each night. This, and what to wear.

Goodbye Coupons

Dear Everycouponserviceever,

For so long I wished I could quit you. Now I have. Goodbye Groupon, Living Social, Crowd Cut, Daily Deals, etc. You have allowed me to think I was getting a deal, when really it always took me until the last week before expiration to use the deal. This in turn, stressed me out about the procrastination of it all. Sometimes, I even forgot about the deal altogether. In an effort to lose some of the clutter in my inbox and my life, I bid you adieu.

Relieved,
Jennifer

Happy Independence Day!

Oops. I was having too much fun on the 4th of July to remember to post this. Anyway, here:

I hope it was a good one!

I Too, Have a Dream

I am overwhelmed by the respect I have for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a man who fought so hard for freedom through nonviolence. A man who had the belief and the drive and the heart to lead our country and inspire others to insist on their personal freedom. A man who risked his own life for the good of everyone else. 

For these reasons, I make it a point every year to watch the "I Have a Dream" speech. Not only is Dr. MLK Jr. a powerful orator, but his speech at Lincoln Memorial serves as a sharp reminder of what has been and what can still be. This year, thanks to Jessica, I've added the "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" to this tradition.

I have never personally experienced such severe discrimination and injustice; it pains me to know that people did and still do. I've had my fair share of racist remarks, but never violence and never the absence of freedom.

If you don't recall the injustices from the tumultuous 1960s, here is an excerpt from the "Letter From a Birmingham Jail" that explains why we cannot wait to forge change:

"Perhaps it is easy for those have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policement curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of the affluent society; when you suddently find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you explain to your six year old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see the ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people, when you have to conduct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross country drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your las name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait."

We have made great strides in this country, but there is no way we are close to being finished.

I have a dream, that one day, everyone will have the right to be married, based on their love for another person, not on their sexual orientation. I have a dream that no one will be driven to suicide by the hatred and ridicule of others. I have a dream that racial profiling and hate crimes will cease to exist. I have a dream, that one day no one will have to worry about whether or not they get to eat. I have a dream that no person will be sexually trafficked and forced to live a dark life against their will. I have a dream that the words rape, school shooting, war and terrorist will be obsolete from our vocabularies. I too, have a dream.

Martin Luther King, Jr. died for what he believed in and thought you weren't living if you weren't willing to die for anything. His son explains that if he was alive today, he would have fought for the rights of women, gay people, immigrants, trade unions and anyone who was oppressed. I have thought, "If I was alive then, I would have marched on Washington with them." But I'm alive today, so I need to do something, or my complacency will be worse than someone who is outright against equality. What are you willing to die for? How will you change the course of our history?

Merry Monday - Labor Day Edition

Being that today is a holiday, this version of Merry Monday isn't as legitimate. I slept nine hours last night, I don't have to go to work today, the sun is shining, the weather is cool, and my only obligation is a Twins game in this gorgeous weather.

Still, there are a few things that make today one of the best:
1. Sleeping in. Almost everyone I know has a routine of when they go to bed and when they wake up. Mine is pretty erratic but the one thing that is somewhat regular is that I sleep fewer hours than I think I should. So when I don't really have to pay attention to any alarm clocks, external or internal, it's bliss.
2. Drinking coffee through a straw. Even though it's about 60 degrees outside (yeay!), I'm still enjoying iced coffee...through a straw.
3. Easy communication. Text messages rule.

That's it for today. Here's a little lyric from Vampire Weekend in spirit of labor:

"We only work to live. Until we live to work." I hope you have some kind of happy medium in your life.

Enjoy your labor day and celebrate what it means to you. Whether it's all of the people who have come before us who worked hard to provide infrastructure, freedoms, and convenience, or if it's about the end of summer, the start of something new, or the last day of the State Fair - celebrate it.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

This is a motto that I seriously need to incorporate into my lifestyle. I have a strong overbuying tendency - I never want to be caught off-guard without something I need. As soon as I feel the mascara tube getting lighter, I buy a new one. As my perfume wanes, it’s time to stock up. Can’t find any socks because the sock monster ate exactly ½ of each pair? Buy new ones!

The problem with this way of living is:

• I overspend.
• I end up with expired items or things I never get to using because I have too much of it.
• I create more waste that will eventually be stuck in a landfill.
• I overspend.

Something that further troubles me is the creation of deals through sites like Groupon, LivingSocial, Crowd Cut, Daily Deals, etc. I am not really “saving” anything, but who can turn down a deal? I am going to make a commitment to reduce waste and as Gretchen Rubin puts it, “spend out.” So here is my list of stuff to use up before I can procure any more of it. Perhaps by making it public, I can feel a little ridiculous for having all of these certificates in queue, and motivate myself to spend them.

• Dry cleaning certificates (yes, two)
• Certificate to Scusi restaurant
• Certificate for in-home dog training
• 5 sessions at Heat Yoga
• 23 sessions at Core Power Yoga (twenty-three! Gah!)
• Certificate to Spalon Montage
• Certificate to Jordan A Salon
• Certificate for DSW
• Certificate to Knockout Bodies
• Unused monthly sessions at Massage Envy
• Unused gym membership at Lifetime Fitness (in my defense, it’s too beautiful out to be cooped up in a gym)

So my version might not entail hundred-dolla bills.

I think that’s it. Some of them were gifts that I’ve had for over a year. Lucky for me, those gift certificates can’t expire. It’s my goal to spend out and use these things up so I’m not throwing money in a black hole. Then, I’ll try to ignore some of the emails I get and decide that I really do not need to spend $20 on $40 worth at a store I’ve never heard of and might not like.

Are you a certificate hoarder?

Mind Over Clutter

It’s difficult to let go of things. I’m not talking about a broken friendship or relationship or anything of that magnitude. Just things. I’ve been almost conscientious about keeping things that might have use or value one day. But as I’m growing and changing and starting new projects and chapters, it’s time create some space and let go of the old. Carrie-friend commented on my last post, “People add value to your life, things add clutter.”

Things I have issues getting rid of because I will use them one day or because they are sentimental or because I’m a hoarder:

• Grade school schoolwork (Do I really need a spelling test from 5^th grade?) (Yes?) (Pretty please?)
• Office supplies (Well I could use ten million pens at work or at home or…never)
• Plane ticket stubs (I swear I traveled there! See? But how many can I really scrapbook?)
• Clothes (I could wear that one day. I might need it. It was a gift. Rule of thumb: if I haven’t worn it in over a year…it’s time for charity!)
• Jewelry (Those stretchy bead bracelets I made in the 8^th grade?)
• Greeting cards (Yes, I have about half of my high school graduation cards. Yes, some of them only have a signature and no message.)
• Beanie Babies (Still waiting for the value to skyrocket as it did when I was 12…)

I can’t wait for my upcoming massive-cleaning-marathon where I will unfortunately have to let go of some of the aforementioned objects of my skewed affection. That was a mouthful. Anyway, with a clearer space, I hopefully will have a clearer mind and be able to focus on what brings me joy, not stress.

In my pitiful defense, I’m not the only one with this issue! Ashley-friend wrote about it here. And there’s an entire show about it. So there.

William Morris said, "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." No, rusted paperclips, you are not useful nor beautiful.


What can’t you let go of? What helps you let go?

"The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage."

In spirit of the American holiday, I'm taking a moment to reflect on what it means to be free.


Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor. It must be demanded by the oppressed." And to demand your own freedom takes a lot of courage. Courage that I don't think I have. I think of all of the people in Egypt who went to the streets to demand something more. I don't know if I could even do that. Or the people who escaped war-torn countries in search of something better. Or the ones who marched on Washington or the ones who escaped sexual trafficking or the ones in any war. To demand freedom from oppression is definitely something commendable.


Maybe it is because I have never felt oppressed that I have never done anything monumental to fight for freedom. I can't imagine joining the armed forces and risking my life for the better of everyone else. It sounds selfish, but the whole idea of it sounds so scary. So I have a lot of respect for the ones who do put themselves out there.


Some of my work supports the soldiers who are fighting for freedom. Some people tell me that I'm supporting war and the killing of innocent people. I think of it as protecting the people who are risking their lives, all for freedom.


What is freedom? 
It can be seen in terms of a country being independent and governed by itself. It can be the freedom to not be held as a slave or hostage by anyone. It can be personal. It might mean that you have the freedom to wear what you want and eat what you want and do what you want and say what you want.


But some might not see those things at small.


What is freedom to you?


One last tidbit from Maya Angelou:

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.