I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain?

Are you there friends? It’s me, Jennifer. Remember me? I’m the one who had a bit of a breakdown last month…but I’m back.

Today began just like any other day.

There’s a scene in The Office where Robert California asks Erin to explain her morning to him. She starts by saying “Well, I woke up, and -” to which he replies “Erin, when you recount your day, never say you woke up. That’s a waste of your time. That’s how every day is begun for everyone since the dawn of man.” Enlightened, she says, “Very smart. Very Smart! … Suddenly, I was awake.”

Suddenly, I was awake. I ate my Pumpkin Spice waffles, pulled together an outfit for a fashion show viewing this evening, dragged my body to my car to follow (mindlessly) the windy roads to work. I made my rounds, updated the ERP system, and read through several taxing emails. The lunch bell rang and a sigh of relief inadvertently escaped me.

Just as I was routinely uncapping the steam-filled Tupperware for my Monday lunch, I noticed two visitors at the table next to me. After a brief introduction (artists (friends of my parents) from California who had been performing in MN over the weekend), one of the singers dove off into a pool of Creedence Clearwater Revival that instantly changed the pace of my day. He crooned out a couple of Vietnamese songs intermittent with funny (albeit foreign to me) banter. He capped the performance with a rendition of “Let it Be,” which always sends pangs to my heart, no matter the circumstance. There is something so sweet and tragic about this song that brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat, every.single.time. And the whole lunch room singing along? Guhhhhh.

While we’re on the subject, I thought you should know that I hope that song is played at my funeral. Morbid, but I’m a planner.

Perhaps it was more bittersweet that a blind man was singing this, especially the line “I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me…” because I can easily picture him waking to and breathing music all of the time. I can’t help but feel a little bad for people who have a handicap, even though I am sure they are in no need of my sympathy. This man is 32 years old, an accomplished musician who gets to travel and do what he loves, not to mention that his guitar skills are fascinating. And maybe if it was not for his blindness, he wouldn’t be so in tune to his tunes. Everything for a reason, right? 

"Someone told me long ago - there's a calm before the storm. I know, it's been comin' for some time. When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day. I know, shinin' down like water. I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain...comin' down on a sunny day?"

Anyway, this is the merriest of Mondays for his visit alone. It makes you stop and think and really hear the music.

Slump

I've been a bit absent from this blog lately; not because I don't have thoughts swarming my mind on an hourly basis, but because I haven't the energy to transcribe these whirring fragments, stories, and ideas into tangible structures.

And now, it's grown to the point where I need some sort of outlet, what this blog was meant to be in the first place. I've often thought that I don't want to be a collector of disheartening memories of the lower points of my life. I did enough of that in the past. I have the heart-wrenching hand-written journals to prove it. But this is real life, my friends, and while my blogs are meant to remember the good and cultivate happiness, sometimes I just can't feel content 100% of the time.

Up until 2009, I was quite the pessimist. I drained myself and the people around me because I was so insecure, unsteady, erratic. Then, something changed. Maybe it was the natural order of growing up. Maybe it was talking to someone that helped. Maybe it was studying abroad, changing lifestyles and the people around me. Whatever it was, I began to feel happy. More specifically, the past year has been an overwhelming abundance of happiness. Even when situations should have wore me down, I faced them with more confidence and level-headed thinking than ever before.

This past month, I feel like I lost that magic cloak of content. Every area of my life has me feeling that I'm engaging in a losing battle; my to-do list is never ending and my stress level increasing. There's a nail in my tire and all of the air and energy is slowly seeping and escaping my hold. It could be that I'm in a slump at work. It could be more things demanding my time and attention. Lack of sleep. Lack of motivation to exercise regularly. Poor eating habits. Disinterest in several things, even writing at times. My life is messy, cluttered, frantic, overbooked; it's a gnarled sweater that is slowly unraveling from  both here and there. 

So what will I do after I am done venting to the Internet? I will learn how to knit it all back together, one string at a time.

Goodbye Coupons

Dear Everycouponserviceever,

For so long I wished I could quit you. Now I have. Goodbye Groupon, Living Social, Crowd Cut, Daily Deals, etc. You have allowed me to think I was getting a deal, when really it always took me until the last week before expiration to use the deal. This in turn, stressed me out about the procrastination of it all. Sometimes, I even forgot about the deal altogether. In an effort to lose some of the clutter in my inbox and my life, I bid you adieu.

Relieved,
Jennifer

Brotips [On dealing with people]

Hello friends! I'm glad you are my friends. Do you have people in your life who you could stand to shake? Ones who create all of this negative energy around you and consequently drain you? Ones who you feel obligated to be around, even though they drive you absolutely insane? Think about this:

Life is too short to spend time with people who you do not enjoy spending time with. Granted, life is also too short to hold grudges. I know many people (I'm not excused*) who spend time with people out of obligation. It's just something we do. Hopefully your weekend is full of people you luuurve!

*This is not aimed at anyone really, especially anyone reading this blog. I just saw these and liked them.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

The days are long, but the years are short. 

It has officially been a year since I started this blog and as you might have guessed, it’s completely hard for me to believe. 365 days and 96 blog posts later, and here we are. Just like a birthday, holiday, or any other annual event, I like to look back and understand what has become and imagine what can still be.

What has become: 

• I have taken time to think and thank Thanksgiving-style. You know, where you go around the table and say one thing you’re thankful for? I have done that much more frequently because of this blog. 
• I’ve created an archive of memories from the past year. I can look back on photos, thoughts and ramblings from any given time, provided I wasn’t slacking in posting. 
• I’ve cultivated happiness. Looking back on my very first post on this blog, this was exactly my aim. 
• I’ve gotten through Mondays by focusing on the positives and dreading the Mondayness of it all a little less. (I ought to get back to this) 

What I still imagine: 

• More small victories, whatever they may be. 
• More crafting and siphoning of creativity. 
• Better writing with more thought, new vocabulary, and higher articulation. 

And here are some of my favorite posts from the past year: 
My first post (Just a newbie!)
"The better part of one's life consists of his friendships" (I love people)
Do the write thing (I love hand-written notes)
Things fall apart (So better things can fall together)
I am so thankful (Thanksgiving-style, like I mentioned)
Resolve to do something better (2012 Resolutions)
The Heart of the Matter (Heart Health)
Letter to my 30-year-old self (See ya in five years!)

Happy blogiversary (what a gross word) to meee!

When life hands you lemons...

You may think they are sour.

Or you may even think they are sweet.

You might want to cover your eyes and hope they go away.

But you ought to make lemonade!

Photos by Amber Rishavy // www.pixeldustimages.com

She knows she can run a half marathon

You know the feeling of satisfaction you get when you cross an item off of a list? That was me on Sunday, x 100. A few years ago I set the goal to run a half marathon by the time I turned 30, and this past weekend, I accomplished that goal 4.5 years ahead of schedule.

Three months of training finally paid off. I’ll admit, I wasn’t strict to my training plan and missed a lot of runs. But I also completed a lot of them. I have been running since I was in track & field in junior high, but never to this extent. The training program encouraged me to run 3-5 times per week, varying in distance and pace. While I ignored the suggestions for pace, I ran as fast as I could each day which sometimes meant a 9-minute mile and other times meant closer to 12. I learned that I could run different distances, that I wasn’t a failure if I couldn’t go faster than 10 minutes per mile and that some days were good and some weren’t and that was okay.

As the weekend approached, I realized this was all becoming real. With a Saturday night carbed-out meal and an early bed time, I felt the jitters for the next day. Then Sunday came, and I felt oddly more calm. I started out toward the back of the pack and felt at ease as I crossed the start line, listening to The Naked and Famous. The first mile was the easiest mile ever, I couldn’t believe it passed so fast.

Then after mile 3, the faster-paced runners were looping around so I got to pass my boyfran Zebulon, and friends Leigh, David and Micah as I ran to the turnaround. Miles 3-6 really felt like nothing. I couldn’t believe this because a 10k used to seem unattainable to me and yet here I was, completing a 10k without feeling any boredom or pain. And then, there was a slight incline and the knowledge that I would soon be seeing my family and friends and the whole thing got a little harder. And then I heard the tambourine and the shouts of my name and I couldn’t have been happier. 

A mile later I saw my sister, her husband and my two nephews and that gave me the push I needed to get to the second turnaround. I had my name taped to my shirt both on the front and the back for the purpose of getting more encouragement from strangers. You would not believe how encouraging strangers and other runners are! I found a lot more bounce in my step once people were talking to me, cheering for me, urging me to continue.

Feeling great as I approached mile 12, I stumbled on my foot and rolled my ankle. OUCH. And then I hit “the wall.” I wanted so, SO bad to walk and just get this the H over with. And I slowed my pace and just as I was about to switch from a jog to a walk and let my body give in, my mind took over and said, “There is no way you are walking at this point. Not after you worked this hard. You get yourself in gear.” And so I did. And the last mile was probably the toughest. But then I saw my cheerleaders once again as I approached the end and that jolted me into a full-on sprint. I even heard spectators comment about how fast I was finishing, and that felt good. And then I drank some water. And then I wanted to puke and die. So that was how my half-marathon went.

To recap:

Training is good. Hal Higdon knows what’s up.

If you set a goal and you work towards it, by golly, you can do it!

Pace yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others. Do it for you.

Encouragement is highly encouraged.

If you hit a wall, let your brain take over and propel you forward. One foot in front of the other.

Drink water. Eat food. Don’t throw up.

Musings on the future:

Will I run a full marathon ever? No. I do not wish to.

Will I run a half-marathon again? Maybe. But not for a while.

Should you run a half-marathon? If you would like to.

Will I run a 10-mile, 8-mile, 10k, 8k or 5k? Yes.

Do I feel like a million bucks even though I’m sore as a mother effer? Yes.

Is it weird that I’m now picturing a million male deer? Yes.

Am I an oddity? You bet.

The annotated version:

 

Thanks for reading! I know this was a long one! TWSS.

Oprah knows this much is true.

I came across a little card that listed Oprah's "What do you know for sure?" and these were her 10 things at the time:

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream, wish, or hope for. You become what you believe.
7.  If the only prayer you ever say is "thank you," that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

I like to think of things I know for sure, what I know is true. I'll be back with my own thoughts soon. What do you know to be true? (PS happy weekend!)

Remember Me

Two ladies from my work retired yesterday. One has been with the company for over 30 years, and the other for over 10. In 10 or 30 years of working with the same people every day, you begin to learn a lot about them.

Sometimes I really like my coworkers, sometimes I loathe them, and other times I am indifferent. I've said it before though - these are the people with whom you spend the majority of your days, weeks, months, and years, so maybe you should try and get along. You drive to the same place and work and breathe the same thing; you're bound to have a thing or two in common. Being part of a family business even further instills this in me and each time someone is let go, retires, quits or gets fired, it feels like a personal loss to me. (Is it a coincidence that hire, retire and fire all rhyme?)

As part of the retirement gifts, a few of us put together a scrapbook for each of the ladies, complete with memories written by other coworkers. One of the ladies was easier to write about than the other. She was here longer, she reached out to more people, and she had more bounce in her step. This got me thinking. How do I want to be remembered? I think about how I want to be remembered by my family, friends and people I knew through school, but I never really think about how I want my coworkers to remember me once I retire. Probably because I am one billion years away from that part of my life. (This brings up both feelings of "Oh God!" and "Thank God!")

I see my coworkers stressed out (aren't we all?), huffing and puffing and sighing at every turn. It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and despise your day, but all of the time? C'mon. I see others not wanting to talk to their coworkers, scowling at people and inanimate objects. I see the ones who come to work to get their tasks done and nothing more. And frankly, it's draining to be around these people.

And then I see the ones who smile at everyone. The ones who are helpful, even when they have a mountain of crap on their desk. The ones who will go out of their way to solve a problem, without expecting extra praise or reward. The ones who do their job well and aren't devils in the process. (Side note: devils are like people of evil / people d'evil! This is not real etymology, I just like to pretend to speak French). Anyway...

There is such a thing as being happy at work. I am going to try and find that place every day and be positive. When it comes time to remember me, I don't want people (even me) struggling to remember something good.

How do you want to be remembered?

I Too, Have a Dream

I am overwhelmed by the respect I have for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a man who fought so hard for freedom through nonviolence. A man who had the belief and the drive and the heart to lead our country and inspire others to insist on their personal freedom. A man who risked his own life for the good of everyone else. 

For these reasons, I make it a point every year to watch the "I Have a Dream" speech. Not only is Dr. MLK Jr. a powerful orator, but his speech at Lincoln Memorial serves as a sharp reminder of what has been and what can still be. This year, thanks to Jessica, I've added the "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" to this tradition.

I have never personally experienced such severe discrimination and injustice; it pains me to know that people did and still do. I've had my fair share of racist remarks, but never violence and never the absence of freedom.

If you don't recall the injustices from the tumultuous 1960s, here is an excerpt from the "Letter From a Birmingham Jail" that explains why we cannot wait to forge change:

"Perhaps it is easy for those have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policement curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of the affluent society; when you suddently find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you explain to your six year old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see the ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people, when you have to conduct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross country drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your las name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait."

We have made great strides in this country, but there is no way we are close to being finished.

I have a dream, that one day, everyone will have the right to be married, based on their love for another person, not on their sexual orientation. I have a dream that no one will be driven to suicide by the hatred and ridicule of others. I have a dream that racial profiling and hate crimes will cease to exist. I have a dream, that one day no one will have to worry about whether or not they get to eat. I have a dream that no person will be sexually trafficked and forced to live a dark life against their will. I have a dream that the words rape, school shooting, war and terrorist will be obsolete from our vocabularies. I too, have a dream.

Martin Luther King, Jr. died for what he believed in and thought you weren't living if you weren't willing to die for anything. His son explains that if he was alive today, he would have fought for the rights of women, gay people, immigrants, trade unions and anyone who was oppressed. I have thought, "If I was alive then, I would have marched on Washington with them." But I'm alive today, so I need to do something, or my complacency will be worse than someone who is outright against equality. What are you willing to die for? How will you change the course of our history?

Merry Monday [Work Edition]

Doesn't it sometimes feel like we go through the week to get to the weekend, only to have it flash by us and drop us at the door of Monday again? Rinse and repeat?

Well that has happened once again and my friends, we're back at day 1 of the work week. I spilled coffee on my boots, had to lug ten-thousand things to work and got here late. But once I got here, everything turned around.

So now I'm a happy Monday Camper, or Mamper:

1. Just kidding I don't like the world Mamper.

2. More time. I found out a HUGE audit at work has been postponed from the end of November to the beginning of January. Having an extra month to work is EPIC, and this time we won't procrastinate, but keep at our schedule like our audit is still early.

3. Coworker morale boosts. Last week my coworker told me I'd be good at a new lead position I will be transitioning into because I'm intelligent and people value what I have to say. That made me really happy, because it's easy to feel exactly the opposite.

4. Enjoying work and the people who surround you. Most of us spend at least 40 hours of our week at work. It helps to enjoy the tasks you're involved in and the company you keep. I used to not care about being friends with people at work...(sounds mean, I know) but then I realized I will see these people the most out of anyone I know so I might as well like them!

5. Noah and the Whale. Even though I'm a little peeved with them, I am excited to hear them tonight. They were pretty-darn-good at Lollapalooza last summer and I'd like to see what the show is like when I'm not sweating in blaring sun and fearing skin-sizzle.

I hope your Mondays are equally good or better! It can be hard to get up and do it all over again, but when you actually want to, it's a nice change of pace.

Fog people & sun people

Who are you today? A fog person or a sun person? Choose to be a sun person. (The high for today is 78 degrees, it shouldn't be too hard!)

Merry Monday

Mondays are tough. The lovely, fleeting weekend is over and now we’ve got a whole five days until the next. There’s a reason that our coworkers so sweetly observe that “someone has a case of the Mondays.” In order to tip the scale in favor of happiness, I’m going to start posting three things that I am grateful for, that make me happy, or that make me realize that Mondays aren’t so bad after all. Plus, this can add a bit of regularity to my posts. (I know they’re a bit sporadic*).

To start:

1. Feeling sore after a good work out. Yesterday I participated in the Columbia Muddy Buddy event at Afton**. It may have been the hardest I’ve ever pushed myself and today I’ve got sore muscles to show for it. It’s a good sort of pain though. 

2. Cool temperatures. This morning the grass was dewy, the sun was shining, and there was a light, cool breeze. I definitely drove with the windows down.

3. Puppy noses. This morning I couldn’t find dear Lily, until I spotted a little nose sticking out from underneath the bed. She was hiding from one of fifty things she’s afraid of…cutest thing ever!

This sort of reminds me of 1000 Awesome Things, where Neil Pasricha celebrates the small joys in life (like pressing an elevator button and having the door open immediately).

*I like the word sporadic.

**More on this a different day, when more energy is available.

What gets you through Monday? Whatever it is, I hope it gets your week off to a great start!

A little bit of inspiration

Mr. Lincoln had a lot of great thoughts. This is one of them:

That is all. Happy weekend!